The Loneliness of Motherhood
If you're a new mother reading this while your baby naps, feeling exhausted and somehow empty despite being surrounded by the "joy" everyone keeps telling you about—this post is for you. If you're pregnant and worried about what comes next, or if you're months into motherhood still waiting for it to feel the way you thought it would—you're in the right place.
As perinatal mental health therapists, we see this every day in our practice: brilliant, capable, loving women who feel profoundly alone in one of life's most transformative experiences. This isn’t failure or a sign of being broken. This is a common issue experienced by mothers.
Maternal Loneliness is Everywhere (But No One Talks About It)
Recent research reveals that 69% of mothers experience loneliness during their motherhood journey. Chronic loneliness affects around a third of all parents, making this a genuine public health concern—not a personal failing.
Parental loneliness also appears to be different from loneliness experienced at other life stages. This isn't just about missing adult conversation (though that's real too). It's about a fundamental disconnection that happens when everything you thought you knew about yourself gets turned upside down.
In our practice, we often hear mothers describe feeling isolated even when surrounded by people, disconnected from their pre-baby selves, and guilty for not feeling the overwhelming joy that Instagram and greeting cards promised them. Research confirms this experience: women often connect feelings of depression during and after pregnancy to feeling dislocated from their previous identities and relationships.
Why This Happens: The Perfect Storm of Modern Motherhood
Understanding why maternal loneliness is so common helps us realize it's not about individual weakness—it's about predictable responses to extraordinary circumstances.
Becoming a mother is a complete reorganization of who you are. The demands of parenting can make it challenging to find time for essential self-care, let alone time for activities, hobbies, or relationships that were once a significant part of your life.
Physical and Social Isolation
A life that was once full of interaction with coworkers, family, friends, and partners is suddenly replaced with caring for a new baby at home. This physical isolation is compounded by the intense, 24/7 nature of early parenting that makes it difficult to maintain relationships or create new ones.
For mothers who have moved away from family support systems, this isolation can feel even more acute. Research on migrant mothers shows they feel isolated, lonely and depressed due to the lack of practical assistance from their extended family, especially during the first year when they are still recovering from childbirth.
The Pressure to Be Grateful
One of the biggest challenges for a new mom is that motherhood is so often touted as one of life's greatest joys. This perception can cause serious damage to struggling moms. When you're told you should be feeling blessed while you're actually feeling lost, it creates an additional layer of shame and isolation.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Being a mom can feel like you're on a never-ending emotional rollercoaster. Yes, there's immense love and moments of fulfillment, but there are also emotional challenges that many mothers are uncomfortable sharing. This emotional complexity, combined with sleep deprivation and hormonal changes, creates the perfect conditions for loneliness to flourish.
Who's Most at Risk?
While any mother can experience loneliness, some face additional challenges:
First-time mothers
Mothers with limited family support nearby
Mothers dealing with feeding difficulties or postpartum complications
Parents with children with chronic illness or disability, immigrant or ethnic minority parents, and single parents
Mothers experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety
Ways to Reconnect
Maternal loneliness responds well to targeted interventions, and you don't have to wait until you're in crisis to seek support.
Research shows that interventions involving peer support, telehealth forums with healthcare providers and peers, parenting programs, interpersonal skills training, and short-term cognitive therapy are particularly effective for maternal loneliness.
At Roots & Branches, we offer:
Individual perinatal therapy using evidence-based approaches specifically designed for the unique challenges of motherhood
Support groups that meet 1-2 times per year, bringing together mothers who understand exactly what you're going through
Specialized treatment for perinatal depression and anxiety, which often co-occur with loneliness
Our therapists understand that maternal mental health is helping you navigate this massive life transition while maintaining your sense of self and connection to others.
Building Your Support Network
Research also consistently shows that higher levels of social connectedness are related to lower parenting stress, and social connection can actually buffer the effects of loneliness.
Actionable steps:
Start small: Even one meaningful connection can make a difference. This might be a neighbor, a parent from your childbirth class, or someone you meet at the pediatrician's office.
Join mother groups: Look for new parent groups at local community centers, libraries, or pediatric offices. Many are specifically designed for new mothers.
Use technology thoughtfully: Online support groups and apps can provide connection, especially during nighttime feeding sessions or when you can't leave the house.
Don't wait for perfect timing: The "right time" to reach out rarely comes. Make connection a priority even when it feels hard.
Practical Daily Strategies
Reconnect with yourself:
Prioritizing self-care will help you start to reconcile who you once were with who you are now
Schedule small moments for activities that remind you of your pre-baby identity, even if it's just 10 minutes of reading or listening to music you love
Practice self-compassion—treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show a friend going through this transition
Create opportunities for connection:
Take walks in places where you might encounter other parents
Accept help when it's offered, and don't be afraid to ask for specific support
Share honestly with trusted friends and family about how you're really doing
Address the basics:
Prioritize sleep when possible—loneliness feels worse when you're exhausted
Get outside daily, even briefly—natural light and fresh air can improve mood and provide opportunities for casual social interaction
Maintain some routines that give structure to your days
When to Seek Professional Help
You don't need to be in crisis to benefit from professional support. Consider reaching out if:
Your feelings of loneliness persist for more than a few weeks
You're having trouble bonding with your baby
You're experiencing symptoms of depression or anxiety
You feel like you can't talk to anyone about how you're really feeling
Your loneliness is interfering with your ability to care for yourself or your baby
Moving Forward: You Deserve Connection and Support
Given the centrality of loneliness in many women's experiences of the perinatal period, it's appropriate that mothers are asked directly about both symptoms of depression and feelings of loneliness when accessing healthcare. This should be a routine part of postpartum care, not something you have to advocate for yourself.
Maternal loneliness is not a character flaw or a sign that you're not cut out for motherhood. It's a predictable response to one of life's biggest transitions, often made worse by unrealistic social expectations and insufficient support systems.
At Roots & Branches, we've seen countless mothers move from isolation to connection, from feeling lost to feeling grounded in their new identity. This transformation doesn't happen overnight, but with the right support, it absolutely happens.
Whether you choose to work with us or find support elsewhere, please remember: reaching out for help is not admitting defeat—it's taking care of yourself and your family.
Ready to take the next step? At Roots & Branches, we specialize in perinatal mental health and understand the unique challenges of motherhood. We offer individual therapy and periodic support groups designed specifically for mothers experiencing loneliness and other perinatal mental health challenges. You don't have to wait until you're in crisis to reach out—prevention and early support are just as important as crisis intervention.
Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you during this important transition. Because every mother deserves to feel connected, supported, and confident in her journey.
References
Garcia, A. S., Lavender-Stott, E. S., Carotta, C. L., Liu, H. L., Nguyen, V. O., & Timm-Davis, N. (2025). Loneliness, parenting stress, and the buffering effect of social connectedness. Journal of Family Issues.
Lim, M., Van Hulst, A., Pisanu, S., & Merry, L. (2022). Social isolation, loneliness and health: A descriptive study of the experiences of migrant mothers with young children (0–5 years old) at La Maison Bleue. Frontiers in Global Women's Health, 3.
Nowland, R., Thomson, G., McNally, L., Smith, T., & Whittaker, K. (2021). Experiencing loneliness in parenthood: A scoping review. Journal of Advanced Nursing, 77(12), 4734-4750.
Talkspace. (2024). The loneliness of motherhood. Retrieved from https://www.talkspace.com/blog/loneliness-in-motherhood/
